Of Stupid Istari
by sailorverystupid
Summary: One Of Gandalf's Spells Goes Wrong


I raised my hand to my face and traced the outline of my lips with one finger. Three days had passed since the change had occurred and I still was not used to it. I walked through the gardens contentedly, ignoring the people who were staring at me. I knew I was beautiful. I found out just over seventy-two hours ago. The problem was, I was not supposed to be beautiful. Gorgeous, yes, attractive, yes, but I was most definitely not supposed to be beautiful. I was supposed to be handsome.  
  
I winked at a girl out of sheer habit and she cringed away from me, causing me to sigh and roll my eyes. However, I stopped mid-roll as I encountered a group of youths openly drooling at me, their jaws almost brushing the ground. I glared at them before hiking my dress up so that my newly acquired cleavage was not quite as visible and tried not to notice as their eyes followed my hands upward, but not down again. Biting my lips together I went off in search of either my father, my brother, or that ACCURSED Istari. And if it was him I found, he would face wrath much worse than that of any Balrog or Giant Eye.  
  
Continuing my search through the gardens I absently raised a hand to tuck my hair behind my ear. I kept doing that and there was no stopping it. I was disgusted at myself, what a girly habit! However, given the circumstances. . . I poked my lip. Why did my mouth have to be so POUTY??? What part of being a girl involved constantly pouting? Walk walk walk POUT turn POUT. . . HONESTLY!! If I looked down I could see my lips. I looked like a bloody fish. And my hair. The length of it was just obscene. And it was far to shiny. How could ebony hair shine like the sun? how is that even possible? The only part of my girly appearance I liked were my deep forest green eyes. Which were pretty much the same as they were when I was a bloke. So basically, I liked none of the changes. Not even the chest. Well. . . okay maybe I liked the chest a little bit.  
  
Newly pissed off I searched more furiously. The search ended when I literally ran into my sister and bounced off her, landing rather spectacularly on my arse.  
  
"Oh I'm so sorry young wo. . ." she was cut off when she noticed who I was. "Man" She finished. Her mouth flickered and I shot her a warning glare. I saw her visibly restrain herself.  
  
"Have you seen Gandalf?" I asked. That was it. At that one sentence she burst into peals of helpless laughter. You see, the problem was that I still had my old voice. My old, deep, male voice. Being an elf I had a very smooth, silky, nice voice. But being a male I had a very. . . male voice.  
  
I coughed to catch my sister's attention. She was bent double clutching at her sides with laughter. Even my cough sounded male.  
  
"HAVE YOU SEEN GANDALF?" I boomed, attracting more stares. "Err. . . What? Whose voice was that?" I asked bewilderedly in a bad falsetto, causing my sister more laughter. I glared again, impatiently and when she finally straightened up and wiped the tears from her eyes. I raised one eyebrow in hopes of an answer to my question, however, since I had inherited my fathers rather. . . angular eyebrows, this just caused her more laughter. "Gandalf" I hissed, "Have. You. Seen. Gandalf?"  
  
"Try. . try the Pagoda" she said breathlessly between laughter  
  
"Thank you" I said, rolling my eyes and walking away "Undómiel my arse"  
  
When the Pagoda came into view, Gandalf was indeed there, with my brother. I watched as Elrohir leaned in and whispered something in the wizard's ear. As I approached I saw the Istari's eyes widen and he ran away at full speed. And so I chased him at full speed, Gandalf was old and I knew I could catch him.  
  
"Come here you stupid failure of a wizard!" I shrieked, half male and half female. The result sounded rather like the voice of a teenage mortal man, on the brink of manhood when it is just about to break. As I ran, my brother ran beside me.  
  
"Your breasts are falling out" He smirked. I glared at him and hiked my dress up again, unfortunately I did this without looking where I was going and ended up tripping over the hem and falling flat on my face in the mud. Lying there I heard a sharp whistle and the fast *thud thud* sound of horses feet beating the ground. Looking up through the mud and hair I saw a white blur as Shadowfax, king of the horses rushed past me to Gandalfs' aid. I gave up immediately. I knew I could never catch up to Shadowfax.  
  
Sighing in defeat, I stood up, hiked up my dress, and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. 


End file.
